Holding my breath

Day 4--fourth full day...and things are going really well. Greg, the eternal pessimist, counsels me not to hold my breath...that things were good at the beginning with my mom as well. Perhaps there is wisdom to his counsel. However, I am not inclined to think like that. I am not Grandma's daughter. She doesn't feel that motherhood responsibility. She doesn't feel like I owe her something or that she needs to correct me. My poor mother. Issues from childhood are so influential in a person's life. It really is amazing.

Today, when I awoke, Grandma was also awake. She had helped herself to the commode twice in the night...without waking me. It truly is amazing how much she can do by herself. I helped her with her morning routine: cleaned out her commode, made her bed (today was Saturday so I washed the sheets), helped her to the bathroom, changed her depends and her clothes and fixed something for her to eat for breakfast. After she was fairly settled for the morning, Charlie and Gwen and I went out to find garage sale treasures. We were late for such endeavors (10 am) but I did find a few things I liked, including a white lamp for Gwen's future bedroom and some good clothes for me. We also went to Wal-Mart and returned some items and then went shopping for some things we needed at the house. When my mom was here, she and Greg cleaned the windows so Grandma would have a better view and she advised me to get Ammonia. I got that and a phone that Grandma could have in her room and a few more items we needed. Greg was ready for us to get home at noon. However, shortly after we arrived, he had to leave to clean a house he recently built to ready it for an open house this next week. He is such a dear with Grandma. He helped her watch the video of herself being interviewed for a film about her older sister, Susie and then "On Golden Pond". Charlie, Grandma, Gwen and I went to the library and Grandma was able to get a lot of movies that I think she will enjoy including Little Women, Journey of Natty Gann, Tuck Everlasting and some other good ones. She also got some sequels to Anne of Green Gables. While at my mom's, she finished Anne of Green Gables and wants to keep reading.

Star Arrival

My mother and I drove my Grandmother Lillywhite to my home two days ago. Everything is smooth and I feel that this is the right place for Grandmother right now. She has been living with my mom for the past eighteen months. My parents have opened their home to her...literally. Grandma has been living in the front family room. I think that situation has been difficult for everyone involved. My parents, who are now grandparents to over forty children, could no longer entertain their little ones in the family room with comfortable couches, bookshelves and toy closets. Instead, they had covered their carpet with linoleum to be wheelchair wheelable and made various other adjustments to their main floor bathroom and entryway. For Grandma, I think has been difficult as well. I think she couldn't help but feeling like her bedroom in the main floor family room was symbolic of the imposition in my parents life. With the combination of my parent's children and grandchildren scattered across the United States, a desire to serve a mission for their church, and my dad's recent retirement from the university, the necessary care required by my grandmother limited their flexibility to travel and enjoy this period of life together. Although my mother was so happy to have an opportunity to be close to her mother and serve her, I believe my grandmother could feel like her presence restricted my mother and father.

About two months, I had a strong impression that it was time for me to take my turn taking care of my grandmother. I have always felt close to her. She allowed me and Charlie to come live with her during my last semester at law school in Provo. I am at a place in my life, newly married with one eight year old son and a seven-month old daughter, that Grandma's care would not interfere with my everyday life. I don't like to go out much because I feel badly for little Gwen in the carseat and we don't have a lot of expendable money. Moreover, I have felt for some time now that with so few children at home, now is the time for me to be contributing to the family income. Although I am open to working outside the home, if necessary, it is not my first choice. I am sure there is some way to find a way to work from home doing attorney contract work, I have discovered that trying to produce something that requires my brain in the midst of taking care of people is extremely aggravating for me emotionally and mentally. Having Grandma here allows me to care for people...solely. That is my responsibility. What a joy! I love it! I am so blessed to have this experience.